Let Go and Let God
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because he was my friend.
But then, instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
With ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them back and
Cried, “How can you be so slow?”
“My child,” He said, “What could
I do? You never did let go.”
I have carried this poem in my wallet for so many years. Too many to count, too many years of trying to do it on my own, giving up trying to be in control of her recovery, and finally letting God FIX her. It’s been almost four months that I have been “working” on this. I have certainly had my ups and downs, shed some tears, and, patted myself on the back. I found out that Brittany is living with Jon’s grandparents. She does not know that we know. The mother part in me takes comfort in knowing that she is in a safe place, off of the dangerous streets, no longer homeless. It was difficult knowing she was living in a world of “hell” but I felt like it would help bring her to the realization that she did not want to forever live life on the streets. As a mom, I am always thinking, “that has to be her “ROCK BOTTOM.” But in my mind, I thought many of those had come, but for Brittany I guess they were not a big enough fall. You see, she got rescued, and the enabling is basically being transferred to a new family member that can’t bear to see them suffer. BUT, I am trusting God, and this must be his plan.
On another note, a musical note….here comes the bride…Did you know my beautiful daughter Brittany got married? YES, it’s true. You may ask, “How did we find out?” The way any parent in this modern age of technology should. On Facebook. I guess they just went to the justice of the peace. I imagine she thinks we know because we do read Facebook, but we have never acknowledged it. I guess this also falls under the category of “One of those things I never imagined would happen to one of my daughters.” Do I laugh or cry? I guess you could say both. It’s very bittersweet. I know in Brittany’s heart, she always wanted her dad’s approval of the man she loved. But Andy has never met him, and he knows that he is a drug addict, and it’s just another poor choice in her history of “poor choices.”
For now, I will continue my journey ~ I will continue trusting God’s plan, and I will really try to learn how to forgive myself and realize I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it.
Blessings to all
My child is an addict, from insanity back to me 