I can remember early on when Brittany was a teenager. She really did beat to a different drum. But, it just wasn’t our kind of music…..Brittany was very eccentric, artsy and creative. She dressed in a way that (I sadly say today) kind of embarrassed Andy and I. She was making her own fashion statement that was somewhat different than ours. She wanted pink hair, blue hair, weird hair…you name it. God forbid we be “judged” for how our daughter looked. What would everyone think? Would they think we were horrible parents to let our daughter go out in public that way?
So, to not be “that parent,” we told her in so many words that she could not BE who she TRULY was. We squelched the true person she really yearned to be. We formed her into what society would call “appropriate.” We took a harsh stance and made her into what we thought she should be. We made her feel bad and insecure about herself.
I so wish I could turn back time, re-set the clock, and parent differently. I am in AWE that Brittany liked to be different. She was her own person, and she embraced it. It made her feel good. She didn’t care what other people thought, she was different then the norm, and damn proud to be. DIFFERENT DIFFERENT DIFFERENT Wow, what a concept. We made “HER DIFFERENT” feel like she was socially unacceptable. At this age, almost all girls want to dress the same, act the same, so they “fit-in.” She was proud to “stand out.” Instead of us looking at the word “DIFFERENT”, we should have substituted the word “UNIQUE.” By God, why does “different” have to be labeled as bad in today’s society???? Brittany was UNIQUE, and she wore it on her sleeve. How many kids her age would be willing to step out of their comfort zone and be so brave?
Personally, I now admire those individuals that can be uniquely different. I believe it’s a gift, or as we get older, more mature and wiser, we also realize, we really don’t give the same credence to what people think, and we too embrace who we have become. HMMMMM, to be young again and savor the true me, and to have had the courage to make my true identity known and not just pretend to “fit in” with the crowd.
Today, I do parent differently. I appreciate every special trait my kids have. Andy’s cousin said it perfectly. “Our children are like a bouquet of flowers. Each stem is beautiful~individually shaped and formed just the way it was made.”
And the “judgment” part….that’s a whole another subject where I have COMPLETELY changed due to what I learned from Brittany. Just like what I said above, I have learned to stop judging. It’s not my job to judge…in the end, it’s really God’s decision and for now, I will just let him do his job!
My child is an addict, from insanity back to me 